I watched him cut his brother off in mid-flow "shut up,Josh! what do you know about music" Stung by his elder brother's remark,Josh retorted "I know a whole lot more than you think,Peter!" I laughed nervously trying to defuse the tension as i watched these brothers square off with an embarrassed me caught in the middle..an unwilling umpire.I sighed inwardly as i mentally mopped the sweat off my brows Phew! Sibling rivalry! Such a natural yet disturbing phenomenon..dating back to the days of Cain and Abel..though rarely fatal these days,the emotional wreckage it leaves does give cause for worry..
Peter and Josh..blood brothers..both good friends of mine..yet so different and so not at peace with each other..I knew Peter first..a rapper just like me..we got along just fine..after a couple of visits to his house,i met his kid brother,Josh..also a budding artiste. He was a fan of my work..and eager to make my acquaintance though he was careful not to seek it while i was in Peter's company. You see..Josh had always lived in Peter's shadow..Peter was the famous one in the family..the star..Josh's only claim to fame was in being referred to as "that Peter's brother"..tired of living in big brother's shadow, Josh hungered to make a name for himself..make his own mark..after all,he had come of age,hadn't he?
Josh stopped tagging along with big brother and chose his own crowd.Peter grew increasingly bewildered by the change in his once docile little brother and not being able to explain it,he chose to ignore it. Inevitably, personalities began to clash.Josh was fast shedding his dependent role but still felt the need for big brother's validation. The harder he tried, the more Peter ignored him and tried to put him in his place.Soon, Josh perceived his brother as arrogant and domineering ..no longer the idol he once worshipped..on the other hand, Peter saw Josh as rebellious and defiant..a thorn in his flesh..the sibling wars had begun!
And there i was caught in the middle of it all..but i could relate..a similar storm had brewed in my family for years..born in between older and younger siblings, i could easily fit into either shoes.I have felt the bewilderment of a big brother watching his little brother grow into a mind of his own and reject big brother's guidance.I have also felt the frustration of a younger brother who had come of age but is not acknowledged as such by his big brother..yes..i have straddled both sides of the fence and drunk from both cups
Similarly,i have had cause to trade confidences with a lady friend on the issue..you see..Ameeda had always worshipped her elder sister Kafayat (Kaffy for short)since she was little.Kaffy had been her best friend and protector all her life..so when she had to fill in her choice of university on her JAMB form,she chose the small school Kaffy was attending.However,when her sister heard of it,she was livid with rage!You see,although Kaffy was the older of the two,she had always lived in Ameeda's shadow..let me explain..Kaffy was born with average good looks, but her younger sister,Ameeda was a stunner.She naturally drew the attention of people everywhere they went while poor kaffy played the background.
Being naturally ahead, Kaffy got into the university before Ameeda..for the first time in her life,Kaffy no longer had to compete with her younger sister for attention.She bloomed like an Irish rose and was soon the talk of campus. Her consternation could better be imagined when she learned Ameeda had chosen to come to her school.It was the last straw for Kaffy..No way! Not Ameeda! Not in a thousand years! She fumed and screamed over the phone. Ameeda was in tears as she recounted the details to me.I shook my head in wonderment..na wa o! Sibling wars!
These wars rage in our homes and communities everyday..the irony of it all is that nobody actually wins..not where the family is involved..where there is damage,there is loss..one person's loss is a loss for the whole family..but we can all win.it takes tolerance,mutual understanding,communication and a forgiving heart to win.May love guide us as we survive through our sibling wars.Have a great life!
